I didn’t realize how important speaking up in meetings was until I began working on a project at Pivotal Labs. Until recently, I spoke on average once per meeting, because I (a) believed I had nothing to add, (b) didn’t want to add to a conversation that was already probably going to run over the time allotted for it and (c) was intimidated by more experienced engineers who would sometimes discuss details that sounded important and I didn’t want to interrupt.

Big mistake.

After this had gone on for around two weeks, I decided to poll my co-workers for feedback. I was aware that I wasn’t speaking up, and I wanted to know what the effect was. Our PM told me an anecdote about an old client who never spoke. The team was convinced that the client hated everyone. I’m sure this is far from the truth! I was sure that no one thought this about me (yet) and vowed to change. One older engineer just thought I had nothing to say, but encouraged me to jump in more and admitted to sometimes wandering away from the thread of the essential.

My other epiphany came from polling other twenty-something female friends. They didn’t speak up in meetings, either. And they were feeling the same pains.

The truth was that I really wanted to say more, I just didn’t know how.

So, I pushed myself to speak up.

I started with questions. I let go of the idea of “stupid questions” and just allowed myself to run with whatever my brain gave me. Even with that small change, I saw leaps of improvement.

Communicating whatever is on your mind is so important.

I feel so different now. I feel involved, I’m learning more, and our team is focusing on what’s important. In only a few days I could feel the impact that speaking up was having on both my own confidence and my relationship with my team members. I mattered, I had opinions, and I drove work forward. I anticipate that in the future, I’ll only get better at expressing what is on my mind and communicating my thoughts with others in a clear and meaningful way.

Yes, filtering is a key skill to have. Yes, walking around while spewing opinions at others is probably not the best way to communicate ideas and earn respect. Doing the work to find the happy area is worth the time. The risks of not speaking up are far greater than being polite.

Say the thing!